Archive for » June, 2008 «

19
Jun
expectations
mazel

sometimes, we easily get hurt by the people around us. even if it’s trivial or petty, for us, it’s already a big deal.

words coming from someone close to me hurt me more than any physical injury. Unkind words, discouraging remarks, broken promises. Even if the person meant no harm, if he/she tells it to me in the wrong tone or wrong choice of words, i get hurt.

it’s not only words, but also in gestures and in actions. a forgotten date/anniversary/birthday. a change in the way he/she talks to me. an ignored request/favor. things like that.

i asked myself, why do i easily get hurt by these? a simple thing that another person does, then i already have tampo. then i realize, i get hurt ’cause i expect them to be this person, and they fell short of that person. and i also realize, i also expected them to think like it do. i expected them to be that person, because i know that i would do that to them. i will remember dates/anniversaries/birthdays. i take care in the words and tone i use to avoid offending anyone. i do my best in keeping my promises.

right now, i learned that to avoid any kind of disappointments from people, i should stop expecting. they don’t think　like i do, and they probably don’t know me that much to know if i’d be hurt/disappointed with what they’re going to say or do.

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12
Jun
changes
mazel

I’ve changed, alot.. Not only with physical looks, but with my perspective in life and how I look at things.

As I talk with my friends, they usually (if not always) tell me that I’ve changed. It’s annoying sometimes, but I’ve already gotten used to hearing, “Is that really you? It’s like I’m talking with another person!” I really can’t blame them, I even surprise myself with how I react to situations now.

Before, I was very conscious not to change while in Japan. I was thinking, I have a “reputation” that I need to hold on to. My family and friends knew me as this person, so I was trying to hold on to that “person”. But of course, as I experience life, with no pressure or influence from my family and friends, it’s impossible not to change. I’m just glad that as I change, my family and friends also accepted and welcomed the changes that happened to me. After all, I believe these changes have improved me.

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06
Jun
busy busy busy
mazel

another month has ended, and i can’t help but tell myself, time really flies. seems only yesterday when i was excitedly waiting for golden week (may 3-6 national holidays in japan), and now, i’m already waiting for my birthday.

another year will be added to my age.. but before i get too excited on my birthday, i think it would be best if i give you a personal update about myself. a recap on what happened these past weeks/months..

the first in my list, psj. i was elected last april as the secretary in this organization. so i was busy doing the tasks of the secretary. and to tell you honestly, i feel that i’m also doing the job of the PRO. in one month of being the secretary, i’ve written invitations letters, invitation cards for the oath-taking ceremony, and i’ve written the minutes of the last EXECOM meeting. Aside from this, i’m also managing psj’s website. the next tasks in my list: update the contents of the site, upload the gallery, create a membership system and “manage” the documents of the group.

second is, performances & practices. i’ve been practicing with the people from johokubashi church for the “Unity and Bonding” Celebration of the Diocese of Nagoya on June 29. I admit, it’s actually hard to facilitate the practice. and i know that we’re not yet ready for that day, and that we still have so many things to practice. especially the “I Will Follow Him” song. the second voice is really hard to practice..

third, CFC/SFC. It’s been a while since i last had any support from a catholic community. i had it when i was in college, and when i graduated, though i hardly attended the meetings, i still had some support from my cell group. and of course, the worship time.

fourth, thinking about my future. i’ve been thinking about so many things. and i know that the decisions i’m making will affect my whole life and my future. but hopefully, these decisions will make me closer to Him, and hope it’s what He wants for me.

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