i wrote this entry 2 months ago, after reading a document from my previous company..

what do i really want? do i really want to stay or leave?

i just read a document, and i’m excited to see that there are a lot of things that could happen. honestly, i want to be a part of those things, share what i’ve learned and experienced. but also, a part of me felt that i was neglected, and a bit forgotten.

right now, i really don’t feel i belong to “that” family. i just read about them. i just see pictures of them. sometimes, i felt that it’s just courtesy to email me about stuffs. or it’s just polite to include me in the mailing list, but they don’t really give a damn about me (except for some real friends). actually, it’s better to receive these kind of letters, even if they don’t concern me, than not to receive at all. sometimes, i just get some news from “that” family through some friends.

maybe that’s why when the thought of “coming home” entered my mind, even if i’m hurt or i have resentments, i feel excited. the thought of coming home, the thought of renewing my ties to people, the thought of being with them once again, these made me feel that finally, i could really call them family.

but then again, maybe it’s time for me to grow and move on. maybe, in the future, i could come back and renew the ties that i had. maybe. just maybe.